The Stages of Addiction
If you are reading this, it is likely too late for you. But for educational purposes, here is the clinical progression of the Speedcubing Virus.
Stage 1: Curiosity
You see a YouTube video of a kid solving a cube in 5 seconds.
- Thought: “That’s impossible. It’s fake.”
- Action: You buy a $3 Rubik’s brand from the grocery store.
- Result: You scramble it. You cry.
Stage 2: The First Solve
You find a tutorial (maybe this one!). You spend 3 hours sweating over “The White Cross”.
- The Moment: You finish the last layer. The colors align. Dopamine floods your brain.
- Symptom: You run to your mom/spouse/cat and scream “LOOK! I DID IT!”
- Response: They do not care.
Stage 3: The Upgrade
You realize your store-bought cube turns like a rusty toaster.
- Action: You buy a $10 magnetic speedcube (RS3M).
- Result: It turns so fast it flies out of your hands. You realize you have been living a lie.
Stage 4: The Algorithm Grinding
You decide you want to be “Fast”.
- Symptom: You are muttering “R U R prime” under your breath at the dinner table.
- Physical Change: Your thumbs develop calluses. Your wrists click.
- Social Impact: Your friends stop inviting you to places because you bring the cube.
Stage 5: G.A.S. (Gear Acquisition Syndrome)
You own 15 3x3s. They all look identical.
- Logic: “But this one has MagLev! And Purple Internals!”
- Reality: You are still averaging 25 seconds, but now you are doing it on a $90 piece of plastic.
Stage 6: The “Non-Cuber” Interaction
Someone sees you solving in public.
- Them: “I used to solve that by peeling the stickers.”
- You (Internal Monologue): Don’t kill them. Don’t kill them.
- You (Out Loud): “Haha, yeah, that works too.”
Stage 7: Acceptance
You have accepted your fate. You judge people by their PB. You know what “Z-Perm” means. You are one of us.